I had initially intended to write this post as a thank you to all the men in my family who played the role of a father. This is because I grew up without the presence of my real father and it has been hard to not have him around and no matter how much I wished he’d be around it just didn’t happen but despite that, I had some good examples of father figures who are all my uncles.
These men all played a role somehow in my life and showed that they care for me, all have shown in their different ways and for that I am grateful. They treated me just as they would treat their children and the void of not having my father around would at least vanish in the times that they were around. Growing up without my father was hard but it wasn’t all that bad.
I am filled with so much sadness in my heart as I write this post, wiping one tear after the other as memories filling up my thoughts, memories of him. I am in grief because of the recent passing of one of those men who raised me, one of the pillars of fatherhood that I looked up to for love and guidance while I was growing up. I still can’t fathom the fact that he is gone and I won’t get to see him anymore.
The moment I heard the news, I honestly thought it was a dream, for a moment I thought I had misheard what I was just told but the more I heard the words the more it becomes apparent that he is gone and I can’t seem to think straight. It is a horrible feeling to suddenly lose someone you hold dear to your heart, it is painful.
He was just here a few days ago sitting outside with his brother and they were talking and enjoying each others company and I remember how I looked at them thinking about how they are the last two remaining of my great grandmothers’ children and to hear now that the very person who was just here looking healthy as usual has now passed on it’s incredibly hard to believe.
When I thought about writing this post initially it was meant to thank him and all the others for their great work and effort in raising me but sadly this is now a post about fathers and also a goodbye to my uncle. You just never realise how fragile we are as humans and how one moment you’re laughing and enjoying life and then the next you’re gone just like that.
My son got to live with him and enjoy having his great-grandpa raising him, Just the other day we joked about how they used to make soccer bets and when my son lost, he would pay but they never knew where got the money but turns out he would take money from grandpa’s piggy bank because he felt it was his money too, I will miss such stories but I’m happy to have memories.
It is a hard pill to swallow but it, unfortunately, is a bitter truth that death is part of life but to accept that bitter truth just isn’t easy, no matter how many times you lose a loved one, it is just hard. I know it will take time to get over this terrible time. I don’t like to show when I’m feeling sad but writing about him now helps me to cope, even if I have tears running down my face as I write this, I have to tell myself he is in a good place. May the Lord be with him.
To all the fathers present in my life in this precious moment, I would like you to know that I am thankful for you all, you may not know it but during my inner battles struggling with not having my father present, you all played a big role in my life. I thank God for all of you and even though I never say it or have said it before, I want you to know that I love you all so much. Keep being the men you have been all this time and I pray that God bless you and be with you.
To my uncle, God be with you, you played your part, you did your best and you lived your life, you have left this world but you also left your mark, I don’t know about others but in mine, you made a difference and filled the gap as best as you could. You had your faults but you made up for them in a big way. Loving, caring , giving are some of the words I can use to describe you. Today we lay you in your final resting place. You will be sorely missed but never forgotten.
Rest in Peace JNK
