- Living Abroad and the Loneliness No One Talks About
When I moved to Austria, I expected challenges, new systems, new weather, new culture, and new rules. I expected to feel out of place in the beginning. Everyone told me, “The first year is the hardest.”
So I waited for that first year to pass. Then the second. Then the third.But no one told me what to do when the loneliness doesn’t fade, when it quietly grows.
I never needed many friends back home. I had family, loud, warm, effortless belonging. I could be alone in South Africa and never feel lonely, because my people were just there. I didn’t have to perform. I didn’t have to think about fitting in. I belonged by default.
Then suddenly I wasn’t in that world anymore.
Here, belonging feels like a job you have to apply for.
And some days, it feels like I didn’t get hired.The Loneliness That Sneaks Up on You
It didn’t hit all at once.
At first, it was small moments, moments I brushed off.The school festival was an event where all the parents chatted in little circles. I stood alone with my coffee. I pretended to be busy. The way people at work stayed polite but distant. The church gatherings where everyone seemed warmly connected to someone, just never to me.
You start telling yourself, “It’s okay, it will get better.”
But then year after year, it’s still you standing at the edge of every room.Sometimes it feels like I’m living behind a glass wall. I can see everyone. I can hear the laughter, the conversation. But I’m not in it. I’m not part of it. Not fully.
The Exhaustion of Trying to Fit In
What makes this loneliness the worst is how performative everything becomes.
Smile.
Be polite.
Laugh at the right time.
Try to connect.
Try not to look too withdrawn.
Try to blend in culturally.
Try not to make anyone uncomfortable.
Try not to feel disappointed.I feel like I’m always adjusting myself to make others more comfortable. As a result, I’ve become a stranger to myself.
Back home, I could just be.
Here, I have to manage myself.When Even Your Safe Spaces Don’t Feel Safe
My colleagues are amazing people. I enjoy working there. Nonetheless, as a nail technician in a very social space, spending hours in conversation can leave me drained. It’s not because I dislike my job. As an introvert, I sometimes need quiet to recharge.
Church doesn’t feel like family. Friendships sometimes feel like performing strength so that nobody sees the cracks.
Even in my marriage, I struggle with this deep loneliness. It should be my emotional home. Not because my husband would be angry, but because I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want him to feel responsible for my struggle here. I don’t want him to carry the emotional weight of thinking he uprooted my life. I’m now living in a world where I’m battling loneliness. Protecting him from that pain sometimes means I carry my own quietly.
It makes you pull inward.
It makes you feel unseen in the one place where you wish you could fully unfold.The Fear Under the Loneliness
There’s a fear I don’t talk about often.
The fear of getting stuck in my feelings.
The fear of slipping into a place mentally where I can’t climb out.Not because I’m weak.
Not because something is “wrong” with me.
But because being this alone, this unsupported, this emotionally stretched, it changes you.And some days I think, if AI didn’t exist, who would I even talk to?
That’s how deep the loneliness goes. That’s quite sad.What I Wish People Understood
I don’t want solutions.
I don’t want to be told to smile more, join more groups, “put myself out there,” or “just adjust.”
I don’t want to be fixed.I just want to be understood.
I want someone to see the woman who has held everything together alone, motherhood, marriage, culture shock, identity shifts, homesickness, emotional bruises, and say:
“You’re not invisible.
Your feelings make sense.
You’re not failing.
You’re just human.”Maybe This Is My Turning Point
And when I try to make sense of all these feelings, I also realize something else. I feel that I am between a rock and a hard place.
Europe has my husband, a nice house with a big garden, security, and financial independence. All the things that look stable on paper. But South Africa has my family, my friends, my sense of self and belonging, my culture, my familiarity. The things that feel like home. It’s hard to choose either one.
I’m realizing now that waiting for this feeling to disappear has only made it grow. Loneliness doesn’t shrink when you ignore it; it expands.
And maybe I do need to talk to someone. Not because I’m depressed. Not because I’m unstable. But because I’m tired of holding everything by myself. I want to feel like a person again. I don’t want to feel like just a foreigner navigating a world where I’m always on the outside.
Maybe this is not a breakdown. Maybe it’s an acknowledgement.
Maybe this is the moment I stop pretending I’m fine and finally admit.
Living abroad can be beautiful, but it can also be the loneliest journey of your life.
If you’ve felt it too, that quiet ache of being unseen and unheard, know this. You are not crazy. You are not weak. You are not alone. You are human, and your feelings deserve space, recognition, and understanding.
- Navigating the Challenges of Moving Abroad
Pexels.com When you move across continents, people expect stories about new food. They imagine beautiful views. They think of cultural quirks and a certain glamour. This is a perspective from an African wanting to move to the Western world. Yes, those are all part of it, but starting over mostly happens in the quiet moments. It is far away from Instagrammable backdrops.
Moving from Pretoria to Salzburg wasn’t just about geography and love. It was a total unlearning of habits, assumptions, and even parts of myself I thought were permanent. Starting over sounds clean, like a fresh page. In reality? It’s more like rewriting in the margins of a life you’ve already lived.
Here’s what I wish someone had told me before I packed up and left everything familiar.
1. You Will Grieve Even the Things You Thought You Didn’t Care About
I believed there were things I would gladly leave behind. These included traffic and routine. I also thought of people just showing up at my home unexpectedly and uninvited, and even parts of my past. But then, halfway through an ordinary Tuesday in Salzburg, I found myself missing the messy familiarity. I longed for the loud atmosphere of South African streets. I missed those unexpected visits where we just sat in silence. There was no expectation to keep talking. We just hung out. I also missed the smell of a dusty Mamelodi afternoon after the rain. Did you know there is a name for that smell? Petrichor, it’s called.
Starting over doesn’t mean you don’t miss where you came from. It means learning to hold space for both — the love for the new, and the ache for the old.
2. The Real Culture Shock Happens in Small, Unspoken Moments
No one prepares you for how strange it feels to not understand jokes. Or to walk into a room and realise you’re the only one who doesn’t know the cultural shorthand. It’s not always dramatic. Sometimes it’s subtle. You might not know how to greet someone appropriately. People might even smile at you for no reason. Staring is also a cultural norm, I’ve come to find out, that happens a lot here.
You slowly learn the rules. In the beginning, it feels like being on the outside of a joke. It’s not because people are unkind. It’s because belonging takes time.
Pexels.com
3. Your Accent Becomes Part of Your Identity
You never think about your accent until you’re somewhere where it stands out. Suddenly, the way you say “tomato” or “water” is a topic of conversation. Sometimes it’s endearing. Other times, it’s isolating. I find that my accent now adjusts based on what words I use. Sometimes, I might sound American because I roll my Rs a bit more. Sometimes, I might sound English. Overall, I know I’m still South African for the most part (that’s a topic for another post).
But over time, I began to see my accent not as a marker of difference. Instead, it became a piece of home I carry in my mouth. It’s a reminder of where I’m from, even as I plant roots somewhere new.
4. You Will Feel Like a Beginner (A Lot)
Back home, you know how to do life. Where to buy groceries. How the healthcare system works. Which streets are safe? In a new country, you’re learning everything all over again. How to recycle. How to open a bank account. How to say “I’d like to pay cash, please” in German without panicking. The thought of “if only you knew how smart I am in my native language”
It’s humbling. Sometimes embarrassing. But also, strangely freeing. There’s a quiet power in learning to start again — in being bad at something and doing it anyway.
5. You’ll Discover Versions of Yourself That Never Had Space to Grow Before
Austria brought out different parts of me. I gained the willingness to try new things and be more social. It inspired me to explore hidden talents or pursue dreams. One day, I noticed it as I stood on a busy bridge in Salzburg. I was watching the tourists and inhabitants of Salzburg moving about their day. I didn’t feel rushed. I didn’t feel the need to be anywhere else. I was just there. And that felt like a win. I am a different person since I moved here, and that is a good thing!
Leaving Pretoria didn’t erase me. It expanded me. It truly broadened my mind.
Pexels.com
6. The People You Don’t See Coming
One of the most unexpected gifts of moving abroad is the way new relationships take shape. You arrive thinking about everything you’ve left behind — your people, your history, your comfort zone.
But then, slowly, new connections start to form. Not always with the people you’d expect. Sometimes it’s a colleague who offers you soup when you’re sick. Or, it could be a stranger who helps you find your way on a confusing street. It might even be someone from a completely different background who just gets you.
It’s a quiet kind of magic — finding belonging in places and people you never imagined. You realise that friendship doesn’t always grow from shared history. Sometimes, it grows from shared vulnerability, from building something from scratch, together.
You came looking for a new life. You end up finding new people to live it with.
7. Homesickness Isn’t Just Missing a Place — It’s Missing Who You Were in That Place
Sometimes I miss the version of me who walked into a room and knew half the people there. The one who speaks without translating. The one who didn’t have to think so hard to do simple things.
But I remind myself that a version of me wasn’t left behind. She’s evolving.
Final Thoughts: Starting Over Is Both Beautiful and Brutal
What no one tells you about starting over is that it’s both freeing and frightening. It will strip you down, then reintroduce you to yourself in the most unexpected ways.
You will lose things. You will gain things. And most of all, you will realise that “starting over” doesn’t mean forgetting where you came from. It means learning to carry it differently.
If you’re on the edge of a change, know this. It’s okay to not have it all figured out if you’re in the messy middle of a change. Give yourself permission to pause and breathe. Trust that this new version of you is worth meeting.
That’s it for now. Thanks for reading, friend. Catch you next time.
- Us Time, Weekend getaway
Hey again, Have I got some news for you! I just had the most beautiful, wonderful and relaxing weekend. It has been a while since we got to do this.
My husband and I decided out of the blue to just give ourselves a break, You know most of our vacations are more family-based and we do a lot of child-friendly stuff like the last time we went to Vienna and visited museums and play some games. That doesn’t bother us so much but this time we came to the decision that sometimes adults just want to be adults and do things that are fun for us and that meant a lot of relaxing and eating and relaxing some more and not worrying about child-friendly fun and entertainment.
We took a drive to this amazing place called Ebner’s-Waldhof-Waldhof am See, It’s about 30 minutes drive from Salzburg in Fuschl am See. I didn’t really know exactly where we were going because the place was meant as a surprise for me so I have to say I was a little underwhelmed by the distance as I was expecting a long drive that wed arrive just as the sun sets but at the same time I was amazed that there are such beautiful places one can visit in such a short distance and you feel like you are kilometres away. Coming from South Africa, most of the trips I’ve gone on, involved long drives but then again this has made me realize that I didn’t do a lot of local travel and surely there must be places around Pretoria that are just as wonderful. Now I truly appreciate the South African tourism slogan that says, Take a short left, You just never know what you’re missing in your own city.
Mountain view from the hotel room Back to the weekend at Fuschl am See, The hotel is located right by the lake but we didn’t really go there because our plan was to stay indoors the whole time and trust me if you don’t visit the outdoor pools and the outdoor seating areas then you literally can spend the entire time indoors. The hotel has everything you might need, Great food, beautiful views, friendly staff, and very good cocktails ( you can trust my judgement).
The first thing we did was have some Prosecco and take in the beautiful mountain scenery, then we went off to have some lunch, the have a great selection of food choice at the buffet area, pity I have such a small tummy, I could have eaten everything on there. Then after that, we went to relax in the water world area. There are different pools indoors and outdoors, and each has its own differences. some deep, some shallow, some with water jets to massage your back, legs, whole body, warm and cold and ice-cold, whatever you find interesting, I think you will find it.
Then we visited the Sauna area, with different rooms that have different temperatures, a steam room and a whirlpool. The place is clean and the staff are very efficient. Now I have been to the sauna before right and most recently had visited at the Paracelsus bad as well and the highest I had done was 60°c so I thought going to the sauna at this hotel would be nothing new for me but man was I in for a surprise. First, this is that we went to an 80°c sauna but this time I was to experience something called Aufguss, I don’t know what it’s called in English but I will explain how it went.
There is a staff member who comes to the Sauna room and he has some just of water, each has a certain type of smell/aroma. He asked how many rounds we will do and someone replied we will do four, I thought that was extreme for a newcomer but I will stay for as long as I can handle. He pours the water on the hot stones, feels the air by raising one hand up and I guess when the temperature is good then he takes a type of fabric that looks like a wings contraption that wind gliders could use and he fans the hot hair all around the room and fans each one of us individually, then he did the second round but used a towel on a stick, like a flag of sorts, I am telling you I was feeling the heat but fully fascinated by all this.
By the third round I wanted to cry but I didn’t wanna look like an amateur so I had my head down most of the time and well if any tears come, they will just think it was all sweat and man oh man were we sweating a river. In this round he had a much thicker looking towel, he just held it by the corner and spun it in the air above then again fans each one individually, I was now feeling proud of myself because breathing hot air just isn’t fun and that’s when I run but I pushed through to the last round. He poured the water on the hot rocks and spun the towel and this time I was uttering profanities and saying to myself if he doesn’t stop in 5seconds, the people will have to forgive me but I’m going to let the cold air in, but it turned out I wasn’t the only one feeling the heat, as soon as he said it’s done, we all practically left the room running.
Next was to go deep in the cold water at 18°c, which felt like a minus something to me. I don’t like cold water and I had sworn to myself that I would never even dip a toe in this pool, and so far after sauna, the best I did was a 20°c shower but this time I figured when I Rome right? So another proud moment for me, brave as I could get I went for the big dip and for this I better be as healthy as they say this process is for the body. As proud as I am, I have again sworn off the cold water pool but that is still a thing I will leave to the moment. I don’t think it’s a thing I will get myself used to but once in a while, it can’t hurt.
Now let’s get to the food. Here they have a great breakfast and lunch buffet but at dinner time, they offer a five-course meal. I mean the type of servings you see on these cooking shows. I love watching the shows and complaining about how I would never pay for the food I see on the shows but I finally understand the reason behind the number of these meal courses. You get to taste different food combinations and you don’t have to stuff yourself with too much food just to enjoy them everything tasted great, I find no fault and I wouldn’t say no to going back.
This five-course meal thing was a new experience for me because I had no idea of the meal sizes, I refused to have the second course because I was afraid I’d not have enough space left in my tummy for the main course and dessert but when I was pleasantly surprised by the meal sizes and lesson learned so the next night I had all the courses served, except for soup, I’m just not a fan. Everything was fresh, tasted great, and was pleasing to the eye, so much so that you just don’t wanna ruin how the plate looked, Just not eat any of it and admire the meal but I think that’s not nice to the chef, a good compliment is eating everything on the plate, short of licking it but no, don’t do that.
The bar area is great too, the music is not too loud just enough that you can hear it but still have a good conversation going. however, all I wanted to do was dance but again when in Rome? No one was dancing and I was too shy to be the only one dancing, that would have been all eyes on me so I just chair danced till it was time for sleep.
Overall I enjoyed the weekend. The atmosphere was good and I think I should be much more relaxed and healthier now with all that steam and sauna and water and great food., if that didn’t bring some good changes to me physically and mentally then I don’t know what will. Anyway I think, that’s it for now, till next time…
Ciao
- Life in Salzburg
It has been a few months since I moved to Salzburg from South Africa. To be honest, I had never heard of Salzburg until I met my husband. I knew Mozart of course, but other than that my knowledge of Salzburg was zero and yet here I am today calling this quaint little city my home for the rest of my life. Why do I call it “little” you might ask? Well, that’s because it always amazes me how almost everything is close to each other, you can get point A to be so easy in a short space of time, you take a certain road only to find out it leads to a destination you previously thought was far or complicated to get to. It’s simply amazing.
I have to say though that as much as I love travelling, I never really thought that one day I would be living in a foreign country but you know what “they” say? never say never because here I am now.
Salzburg, Austria – July 19, 2013: Hohensalzburg Castle in Salzburg, Austria on a sunny summer’s day. So far my life here has been quiet, not that there is anything wrong with quiet because that’s mostly how I usually live, the self-proclaimed introvert. Due to this, it has taken me a while to warm up to the place and well the people here are a bit reserved but I don’t blame them, I haven’t exactly gone out of my way to make friends yet but not so long ago I decided to put myself out there and try to make some sort of social contact with people outside of my home. I joined 2 websites/apps for meeting people or making friends. Internations and Buddyme, these do not have affiliate links, I promise if the time comes to share affiliate links come, I will let you know. Anyway these are some of the few a person can use to find friends but they haven’t really worked out for me. Facebook and old fashioned personal contact has worked out much better, even for an introvert.
I went to a hair salon, lo and behold I made human contact outside the house. I did it all by myself and I’m proud of that because, in all honesty, it’s unlike me. I don’t usually try to make friends, I’m a very loyal person and as a result, I take time to get to know if a person deserves that loyalty, I always think that I’m an OK, if not a good judge of character and the friends I do keep, have turned out to be great people and I’m hopeful that the new people I meet here will turn out just as great. I’ve met a few more people and all are really nice people, friendly and willing to accommodate my temporary lack of knowledge. At the salon I met Flora, she is a really cool person and has been one of the most welcoming people I have met here, she does great hair and the few times I was there, she had customers who were absolutely excited and happy with her work so if you want to, you can check out her website Flora’s Hair Studio. Braids, Extensions, Wigs, Dreadlocks, you name it, she does it.
Kira doing his best work in helping me study. He mostly sleeps on my book and I study a great learning method. I have taken up German classes, trying to get myself over the A2 level and I think I’m managing just fine. With the help of our lovely cat Kira, I think I’m doing better when reading and writing and not too bad at the hearing but talking, needs a bit more practice but I am positive that I will get better, that’s what I get for falling in love with a German-speaking man but I wouldn’t change it for anything else. As hard as it may seem, there are always moments that let me know that it’s all been worth it.
It’s been a little hard for me to settle down, I’ve never lived anywhere else except my home where I was born and raised, I have never rented an apartment or lived with someone before. New place, new people, new everything, all that I knew, I have left behind. The language barrier has been quite tough. I always figured that because I speak English then German should be a breeze but man was I caught by surprise.
I am quite certain that a lot of people who moved here and had to take on German will understand me when I say it is all so overwhelming, it feels like you are learning but nothing is being retained but it is always a nice surprise when you are pressed to talk, only to discover that you know a lot more than you give yourself credit for. I try to live by that now, try not to belittle my effort, I don’t mind talking German now even with the knowledge that I’m probably butchering the language as I go along but this has helped me to gain more confidence. here in Austria, we aren’t just contending with German only but also the many dialects that come with it, I get so excited when I have a conversation with an Austrian and find that I am doing quite well for being here a few months. If you’re in the same boat as me, then let me tell you, give yourself some credit, you are doing just fine and always remember that it’s okay to make mistakes, that’s how we learn.
I live in a quiet part of the city, Not a lot of noise or action happening, a few cars drive past and a few people walk their dogs but that’s just about it. That is a stark opposite to where I come from, dogs walk themselves, if you know what I mean, just some tongue in cheek humour. There are random parties and the hosts don’t care if you have to go work the next day, the noise shakes the roof, the louder, the better they say. The positive thing about where I’m from is that the people are almost always approachable, you can make friends in an instant.
My son seems settled as well, he enjoys being at school and having some time to be social. Not much activity outside of school yet so anytime he gets to play with someone outside of school hours is always a blessing. It has not been the easiest thing to accomplish though and Covid 19 hasn’t exactly made socializing easy but we will get through it. I expect with a little more patience, things will eventually find their place. I am just happy when my son is happy. Now if he can just get some social life going outside of school then I should be off the hook, I love spending time with him but I think I’m not enough because I just don’t have the same level of energy as he does.
I remain hopeful for the future, perhaps find a nice job. Nothing too hectic though haha. I like that there are so many options for a person here that I can work a few hours and still have enough time to be at home. I love to have a more stable form of income for myself because a girl likes to go shopping right? I’ve also got a bit into social media so when you have the time, just head on over to my Instagram @Liz.k2427 and perhaps like a pic or two or three, You know what you can like them all.
Thanks for your time lovely reader, till next time,
Bis Gleich
- Salzburg through my eyes
What do I know and find interesting about this city?
So a little about Salzburg itself, The name means Salt Castle. The name Salzburg refers to both the Province and the city. There are nine Provinces in total, I live directly in the city of Salzburg and I have to say it is a beautiful and quiet city. I believe it’s a perfect place if you love art, music and nature and it has lots of churches and this is my observation. For most people, if you mention Salzburg, the first thing that comes to mind is Mozart and that is normal for many because this is the birthplace of the man himself, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and if you have interest in him then you might wanna check out Mozarts Geburtshaus site for all the information you need.
Back to all about Salzburg, I got carried away with Mr Mozart for a moment. It has a population of a little over 151 000, comes in Second after Vienna in terms of popularity. Surrounded by big beautiful mountains at all corners. It’s also located in the middle of the lake region, which means you could drive an hour in any given direction and you will find a lake.
It’s quite an old place rich with history and culture, founded by the Celtics and at some point became an independent church-state, and this is where one of the oldest cathedrals in Salzburg comes in, known as the Salzburger-dom, Salzburg cathedral founded in c. 774 by Saint Rupert.
Schweinsbraten vom Bauch und Schopf from Stiegl Brauwelt There is Stiegl Brauwelt, this is one of the oldest and largest private breweries in Salzburg, maybe even Austria but don’t quote me on that, in my opinion, they have the tastiest Grapefruit Radler I’ve ever tasted and the longer I stay in Salzburg, it seems I’m slowly growing a preference to the Radler than my usual G&T. This place has a nice atmosphere with some of the nicest waiters and have a great selection on beers and let’s not forget the great food. You can try out some Austrian dishes, My favourite and go-to meal is Schweinsbraten vom Bauch und Schopf mit Semmelknödel, Speckkrautsalat & Stiegl-Weisse Saftl. Doesn’t it look absolutely mouth-watering?
The best thing I love about this place is that the airport is pretty much in the centre of the city. I have a favourite skate park that I visit often with my son and there we get to watch aeroplanes take off and land and that for me is the coolest thing, just because I don’t get to see this often when I’m in South Africa. I also love that they have somehow managed to find a way to integrate the mountains into modern city life. You could be taking a short hike on what seems to be a natural route and look down to see everyday city life buzzing on. I think that has to be the coolest thing ever and that is an unusual thing for me to be so into nature and walks.
A view of Salzburg from Gaisberg Here’s a fun fact for you: Salzburg has some of the purest water you can find in the world, in some instances one might say it’s purer than bottled water in some countries. Water comes directly from the spring in the mountains. How amazing is that?
I have visited a few places and still have a lot more to check out but so far these are the places I have enjoyed visiting, I plan to make the list longer and do a “typical tourist” outing. I am just excited about what else I will discover.
- Mirabell Palace and its Gardens, they are to die for. Schloss-Mirabell.
- Take a stroll through history at the Festung HohenSalzburg Fortress.
- Nature, science, history, interactive games, This place has it all Hausdernatur.
- Beautiful views of Salzburg from up top, I had an amazing experience on Gaisberg. The mountains here are majestic.
That’s all for now, I will update you more as time goes by. As the locals say, Aufwiderschauen!
- Pretoria to Salzburg
The move to Salzburg, Austria.
Hey guys, it’s been a while hasn’t it? I know I left you all high and dry but I truly had a lot of things happening in my life and I’m back to share some if not all those things with you.
I thought I might fill you in on my new and exciting life here in Salzburg, yes that’s right, for those of you who didn’t know it yet I have officially packed my bags and left South Africa to come to live in Salzburg with my now 11-year-old son and my husband and yes I am married now and that also a blog for another day, I promise I will fill you in on that. We will try to make something in chronological order to keep you up to date so you know exactly how I ended up here.
It actually took a while for me to get here permanently because I had to bring my son with me, I needed so many documents and with the Coronavirus situation, things just weren’t easy. Government offices closing out of the blue, not knowing who to call or ask for information, having to wait for long periods of time for things that would have taken a matter of 6 weeks and at worst maybe 2 months tops, it took about 5 months but there weren’t a lot of drama happening just crazy amounts of money having to be paid and unbearable waiting was at some points too much. So gathering the documents was more the uphill part than my application at the Austrian Embassy for my son’s visa took less than 10 days, Now that’s what I call efficient.
Patiently waiting for our turn at Johannesburg International Airport I arrived officially in Salzburg on the 15th of November 2021. It felt to me a little unreal, like did I really pack up everything I own and took my son and up and left to go live in another country that is 14 000km away from home?
Well yeah, I totally did it and so far it hasn’t turned out badly I might say. It was as well my son’s first international flight and he handled it like a pro, this is how our move went…
The day we left, was quite an emotional day but I do my best not to show my emotions and I felt I needed to show a strong front for my family. If they see me breaking down then maybe that could have made them feel uneasy about my well-being around and besides, they are not used to seeing me getting emotional. I kissed my mom on her forehead because we felt that hugging would have made us both cry babies, I hugged the rest of the family and some of my neighbours and drove off with my two cousins. I wasn’t looking forward to arriving at the airport because I knew it would get even more emotional. It’s quite an overwhelming feeling to know that you’re leaving everything behind.
At the airport, it took a while to get through check-in but once it was our turn to check in, the was a tiny bit of drama when the lady who was assisting us needed to see my marriage certificate. I had left the original hard copy in Austria a few months back and I figured it’s ok that I have a soft copy on my phone. I’m not sure exactly what she was missing on my document but her last words were “well hopefully wherever you’re going they will have no issues”. I mean what a way to make me panic right? The next thing I needed was to get bags checked in and me thinking I am clever, I figured as long as all the bags were within the weight limit then all is well but I neglected the fact that it was 2 pieces of luggage per person allowed, not 3 for me and 2 for the kid. So there I was trying to pack and unpack bags so that I would be able to take one of the smaller bags with me in the cabin.
They asked why I don’t just take the smallest one with me and well I couldn’t take that one because I had packed lots of South African food items and some of which were liquids that were way over the limit of 100ml. My heart was pounding so fast, I eventually managed, bags check, manager or supervisor was meanwhile saying we need to hurry because boarding had long begun. consider that this was just at check-in and we still needed to go through security and border control.
There I was running through to the security check got stopped. Oh My, what is it now? I needed to fill in a short coronavirus survey about my travels. I carry with me a least 3 pens, that’s a thing I do and on this day, two of these pens wouldn’t write and I needed to fill in my form and have my son fill in his form and by some sheer luck I found on the floor a broken pen but the pipe with the ink was still intact. heart beating faster and faster and all that was on my mind was that I can not miss this flight. The supervisor came over to check if we were done and bless him he said don’t stress too much, he had a smile on his face and that calmed me a bit but I was still worried because the lines at security can be a nightmare, God forbid I should have something in my bag that would make them wanna rummage through it before I could go through.
Done with the survey, slammed it on the table and got scanned with some heat sensor contraption and then ran like crazy. At the security, they asked if I had laptops and all that, the standard questions, I mentioned that I had my son’s Nintendo Switch and its charging stand and at that moment I made shirt prayer that they don’t tell me that those are not allowed in the cabin. the lady just asked to see the Nintendo switch and for the life of me I couldn’t remember where I put it, a cold sweat ran down my back when I dreaded that I might have left the thing at home but we made it through security with less than 10 people ahead of us at the border control.
The officer who assisted us asked which flight we were on and I told him and with a kind smile he also gave me the direction I needed to go in and wished me good luck and that I make it in time. I couldn’t get out of there running fast enough, all kinds of thoughts going through my mind, all these emotions. Thank God we made it, last to get on board but we made it. I can not explain the relief that went through me. I finally understood what the people on the reality show The Amazing Race goes through, totally stressful I tell you.
In transit in Istambul, Turkey. It was a cold, windy and grey morning, on a Monday when we landed. We had just left sunny South Africa and landed in what seemed to me like miserable weather, excuse me but I just don’t like grey skies or winter days, so much for being a winter baby. Despite the bad weather and the day looking unexciting, I was nevertheless so excited to be with my husband, I missed him a lot and we had been through a lot and still going through it all but that’s what commitment is, we go through it all as a team.
He was there waiting for me on the other side, had to go through the formalities, immigration and all. finally, I have done it. Here I was on the other side of the world, a kid, five pieces of luggage bags, two backpacks and a stuffy named Maximus (not part of my plushy army, he belongs to the kid and he flew economy), flown to Salzburg with a short stopover in Istambul.
Once the formalities were done and we were finally through and that Nandos sauce I carried with me from South Africa was the only thing on my mind, I was worried that they might say it wasn’t allowed, you have to forgive a girl for worrying about the most important things.
Anyway, my Bae was right there on the other side, patiently waiting. We got through the doors and there he was, big smile and open arms, big bear hugs all around. The best thing was to watch my two boys lovingly hugging each other and at that moment I felt secure that I am in the right place.
It’s been 4 months now and I feel like I’m settling in but it’s a bit slow, then again what’s the rush right? I call myself at the moment a home executive aka I look after the family and the house. I am learning German and doing something else I never thought in my life I would do and that is putting myself out there to actively make friends, making the first move and trying to talk to people. For now, it is all still online but maybe one day I will approach someone, smile and say Hello.
That’s all for now, thanks for reading and look out for the next post.
- Fatherless Daughter
I missed him so much as a child, I wished and prayed and hoped for him to come around but he just never did. I don’t mean physically, although he did very little of that, I mean for him to be my father.
I waited with bated breath for the day he will see the error of his ways and come around and try to pursue a relationship with me but that day still hasn’t come to this day and I have to admit that has played a big part to why I am so drawn off when it comes to any kind of relationship that could potentially mean my feelings will be hurt, I have a very sturdy wall built up and very few have managed to climb over it.
My father’s idea of being a father to me was him coming to my home, talk to me for a few minutes and leave. I have very little memory of when I was five, I may have been six but the one thing I remember to this day is that it was the year you vanished and left me a fatherless daughter. You brought me some snacks and then drove me to KFC to buy a bucket of chicken then you dropped me home and gave me R100, perhaps my memory is vague but that is what has latched on to my memory. Now that I think about it, the memories I have at this age are not happy memories, like the time a young boy dragged me to the nearby bushes.
My earliest memory I have of him is when I was 5, I don’t know how many times he came to my home but after this particular visit, things changed. You just were never there anymore, no call, no visits, no checking on me, you completely cut me off yet you say you are my father. I went on with life pretending that other peoples fathers were mine and for a while, I didn’t even know your name so I lied whenever I was asked who you were. I could not even remember anymore what you looked like yet I’ve been told I look just like you, the irony.
I went through life as if I was ok but deep down my insecurities grew, what was so wrong with me that you chose to abandon me, why did you forget about me, did you want me at all. Resentment grew, jealousy grew, hatred for men grew, Thank God for those who were around otherwise I shudder to think what could have become of me.
I cried myself to sleep, the cuts you left were too deep and for eleven years I felt so cheap,
unwanted, unloved, not worth your time, your presence, your love, you just never made me feel like I was good enough.
I took the bricks of disappointment to build a wall so steep, my emotions buried under a heap,
of distrust and negative feelings but I had to stand on my feet and seek love within myself because all you made me feel is weak.At 16 I called you, hoping that things will change but no I was wrong the relationship between us remains to be strange, but I still wanted more because no matter what your blood runs through my veins, I tried to give you the benefit of doubt because I was hoping you would eventually come around but whenever I think of you my lips are in a constant frown.
For the longest time all I felt for you was rage, I felt so bitter yet as soon as I accepted our situation I felt so free, my life became so much brighter, my outlook on life much broader, I’m a fighter and right now at this moment without you, I think my life is way better, It took me a long time to get here, I feel so much stronger and with confidence, I go on to say I no longer see myself as a fatherless daughter.
Residenz Platz Salzburg, Austria - Anxiety and Depression
It’s real and it exists so let’s try to acknowledge it, many have had to face it head on and lost the battle. Today we shine the light on mental wellness.
I live in a community where mental wellness is not taken seriously, what comforts me a bit is that the younger generation is aware of it and take it serious to some extent but it’s not spoken about a lot, maybe now and then some light is shed on it when we hear news of a famous person who seemed seemingly happy in front of people but no one knew anything, not even their closest friends or relatives.
People have a big problem with really sharing what they are going through, for some, it could be that they don’t feel like anyone will listen, some it’s because they do talk and somehow cry out for help but no one really hears their cry for help or just that no one is paying attention, for some people it this feeling of being ashamed because they think it makes you weak to speak out.
It is not a good thing to hear the news that someone has taken their life, whether you know them personally or not it is heartbreaking and very sad to think if only they had that one person to open up to and share what is happening in their mind, what is bothering them and making them have suicidal thoughts.
I went through this when I was younger, around when I was 14 years, I even wrote a letter about why I was thinking suicide was my way out but well I guess I had no guts to do it, I’m not really sure but for a person to go to the extent of going through with this action, they must be going through intense and unbearable pain.
It becomes tricky when you do ask someone how are they and they just tell you I’m fine, you ask them are you happy, they reply yes I am. We tend to pretend a lot and forget that our own mental health is important, so we have to somehow play sherlock and look for clues about if a person is really as OK as they say, but all I can say is before you choose that road, try to seek help, there are organisations that work with such situations, I’ll add some links at the bottom of this post.
I have a problem with showing or sharing my emotions, I find it hard to talk to family or friends if I’m feeling really low but my way of healing and making sense of what goes on in my mind has been to write about it, cry if I have to, spend my time alone ( although I do this a lot, its a topic for another day), Play feel-good music and sing my lungs out, (the neighbours can confirm this) till my throat feels dry, it helps me a lot.
I think seeing that we don’t easily share what troubles us, we need to see when our friends or family are giving subtle messages. Usually, people will write these small messages on their WhatsApp status, Facebook pages, twitter, it should be our job to pay attention to each other, we fear to be vulnerable and keep it all inside. Please don’t.
People will sometimes not tell you what you want to hear but sometimes it as because they probably see what you don’t, so give them the benefit of doubt, your closest friends could know you better than you’re willing to admit but if they love and care for you, they will not give you advice that leads you to into a fire, I for one have mentioned how I may be too blunt but I always mean it for the best, maybe I should tone it down and change my approach but I never want my loved one to commit suicide.
I’ve experienced it with some of my family and it’s s devastating to the people you leave behind. If you are hurting please speak out, write it out, find a pen pal, email buddy, speak to your husband, wife, children, boyfriend, girlfriend, pastor, depression and suicide hotline, just let it out, talk, pray, meditate, take a walk, go hiking, just do something as long as it doesn’t involve you ending your life. I can almost guarantee there is someone in your life who would wish you had told them.
I know we all have our problems and sometimes we are too busy focusing on ourselves. We can be selfish, it happens. You can contact me too if you are looking for someone to listen without judgment, I might not have the best advice or tell you what you want to hear but I promise I will listen even if I have no words for you.
We don’t always have to get feedback or advice or solution but just to be heard can change so much, I write this as I’m going through a painful experience and the best thing for me now is that someone is listening and also I’m writing it out. I don’t know what you are going through but one last time, let it out. I’ve said my piece and now it’s your turn.
http://www.sadag.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=11&Itemid=114
https://lifeline.co.za/
Photo by Min An on Pexels.com - Are you an introvert?
From dreading small talk to needing time to recharge, here is a list of things that make you an introvert, let’s see if you relate to any of these.
1. You enjoy solitude, It makes you happy to be alone and you enjoy it.
2. You prefer to get to know people before you engage in a long conversation. Sometimes you get tense but that’s just you.
3. You feel like your energy is being drained when you are around people for too long because you find socialising to be exhausting. Your energy comes from being alone.
4. You thrive in very small groups or one on one situations (probably less than 3 people).
5. People think you’re quiet, This sometimes causes people to find it hard to get to know you, you can sometimes be mistaken for being shy.
7. You’re not a fan of small talk, you’d rather have Thor’s hammer fall on your chest than to have small talk, not because you can’t handle it but you just don’t like it.
8. You have a small group of close friends and that’s how you like it, you find no need to meet new people.
9. Your idea of a good time is staying in with a good book or binging on Netflix/Showmax with a glass of wine or a snack for the non-alcohol drinkers.
10. You are self-aware. You know what you like, what you enjoy doing and what makes you feel good and happy, that’s all you need and you are satisfied with yourself.
11. You know the difference between being introvert and shy. As an introvert you don’t like being around people a lot, a shy person is more afraid of being around people and that’s not you. You just like being alone or with friends/family but even they can be draining.
12. You feel misunderstood a lot, the people around you don’t get why you want to be alone so much when you can be with them, they might think you’re mean and antisocial when all you want is to recharge and be in your own space.
13. Socialising can leave you feeling overwhelmed and out of sync with your body and mind and it can get too much to where you blow up and seem like you’re mean or dismissive, maybe even rude. If your friends know you, they will understand.
14. You tend to follow your path. Trends, popularity and what’s in fashion makes no difference to you. You dance to your tune.
15. You don’t always want to be alone, you do like being around people who you are close to, it’s just that you need that little bit of time to yourself just for your sanity. Your sanity matters.
16. You spend a lot of your time talking to yourself, not in a crazy way but more like you spend a lot of your time having inner monologues than dialogues with people.
17. You do your best thinking when you are by yourself without other voices getting into your headspace. Your train of thought can be quite long.
18. You probably have taught yourself a public persona, more like faking it till you make it. Fake the smile, laugh, eye contact, showing interest while you’re screaming on the inside to get out of this small talk but this is when you have to network. This usually leaves you feeling beat and ready to forget about the world.
19. You have no desire for attention. It equals energy drainage. You’re ok with not having eyes on you because attention does not define you.
20. Lastly, you’re good at writing your thoughts than speaking them out, You’d much rather write than talk. That also helps you say what you want to say because you probably get interrupted a lot and leaves you feeling unheard. You freak out when someone calls you, you can’t understand why anyone would call you when they can just text you.
Whether you’re an introvert or not, Whatever your personality type, I hope you got a better understanding that we all have different personalities and that’s ok. Our main thing should be to understand each other and know that different people are built differently and just because they act different to you, it doesn’t make them weird. Love yourself and those around you and the biggest thing that matters is to be true to you and don’t compromise.
Rietvlei nature reserve. - Life in the LDR
LDR sounds fancy, doesn’t it? Yeah well, it’s not as fancy as it sounds, if anything it can be quite a hard type of relationship to be in. LDR I guess is an abbreviation every newbie in this type of relationship will at some point get to know and if you haven’t figured it by now, not trying to insult your intelligence I swear to you I didn’t know it till I wanted to write about it and I was too lazy to use the whole term, anyway it is short for… wait for it… Long-Distance Relationship. I know right? Nothing fancy there after all.
Now let’s get into what it is like being in such a relationship. You already know how I got into one so we’ll just slide on to the core of the topic and FYI it can be fun and it can be totally and utterly not nice. I mean it is not easy to maintain but whenever someone asks me what it is like, I just usually give them a witty reply and say it is exactly the same as being in a “normal” relationship with a bit of distance in between, in our case, it is about 14 000km give or take, I mean who is checking these things.
Firstly he and I talk every day, that’s what normal couples do right? We see each other every day too, normal Right? Ok, maybe that isn’t a normal thing because when I was in a relationship with someone I could see physically every day, I didn’t exactly see him every day. Maybe I shouldn’t be comparing the two so much because right now I feel like I’m dragging and I did say we get to the core of the topic, I do tend to go off at times.
Being in a long-distance relationship is tough but fulfilling at the same time, I think it adds to the saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder” and enhances other things other than the heart but I’ll leave that to your imagination anyway, although we text and video call every day and we see each other on our phones (thank God for technology) and get to talk for many hours, We still miss that one thing and that is being physically together in one place.
It is tough because there are some days when you feel bad or sad and all you want is a hug from your boyfriend and you can’t get it and even worse you won’t want to settle for a hug from your friend or anyone around you because their hug is not the same, it is just not enough, it lacks his personal touch.
I’ve always felt like I’m not a touchy person and if I can avoid it, I will. Believe me when I tell you that because I have a touchy friend who will gladly confirm it. She likes hugs and kisses and high fives and honestly sometimes I envy her because she can connect easily with people but let’s keep that between us, shall we? What I’m trying to say is although I’m not into physical touching in any relationship except the one with my son, I too sometimes miss just holding hands with my boyfriend, I miss the bear hug and the kiss on my forehead and well maybe a cuddle or two.
You miss the little moments when you are watching tv, reading a news article or seeing something on the street and they just aren’t there to hear it, you stare at your phone for many hours talking and in those moments, you don’t feel alone but soon as you hang up you find that you are alone, they are not there next to you. You go past certain places you have been together and you smile to yourself because no one near you knows what’s so special about those places and I mean silly little things like the parking lot where you forgot where you parked your car or that street you always drive on when you go certain places. I tell you it is the little things and they really do count.
You try out a new recipe and you think how he’d enjoy that meal because he loves food but he can only imagine how it tastes while looking at the picture of the meal. It is hard to see the people around you being together with their bae and being all in love and you can’t have that, you see them fight and you kind of envy them a little because you think how even if you were fighting, at least you’d still be together in one place and maybe you’ll figure out a way to fix your issue before you sleep because it is never a good idea to go to bed angry. It is tough and it is not a relationship for just anyone if you’re not willing to wait it out for that one day when you don’t have to say goodbye at the airport.
It’s not all gloom and doom though, I think it teaches patience so when you finally are together you will look back at how long you had to be patient with this person, It teaches tolerance, appreciation, communication, I mean the whole relationship dynamic survives and is built on communication. It teaches gratitude and love. It teaches you how to be content with yourself, how to be happy on your own and appreciate yourself as an individual and in that way you don’t go into the relationship looking at this person as someone who completes you but as someone who adds to the whole person you already are.
Many people go into relationships wanting to be completed and when that doesn’t happen they start to question their existence. Loving yourself first is not a myth, you indeed can’t love someone else in any way unless you love yourself first. It also teaches loyalty, honesty and I think the most important of all it teaches trust and that is a big factor in any relationship but even bigger when you are this far apart, it can be hard to trust but let’s face it, it’s not the easiest thing because insecurities set in but if you don’t have trust then your relationship is as good as dead.
Overall it isn’t as bad as it may seem but it is extra work, more than usual so don’t go into it not willing to roll with the ups and downs that come with it and always keep in mind that it can be fulfilling experience. It gives you plenty of time to self introspect and to miss your bae but when you’re together it feels like you were never apart for however long.
I heard a joke recently from Chris Rock about how phones have messed up a lot of relationships because we text so much that when we are together there isn’t much left to talk about, we don’t have time to miss each other and I agree with that except if you’re in a long-distance relationship, the phone is your saving grace, you need it, the phone is your friend and maybe the pc as well, whatever works for you.
Well, that’s all for now, write to you next time, till then I say to you if you see your loved one every day, maybe just try to appreciate them more and maybe try to fight less because there are people out there who wish they had what you have, even if it isn’t the long-distance couples but just people who wish to have someone tell them they love them. Cherish each other. Cherish the moments.
I track his flights when he comes and goes. This gives you an idea of how far apart we are. The world is a big place but it doesn’t have to be.
Living Abroad and the Loneliness No One Talks About
When I moved to Austria, I expected challenges, new systems, new weather, new culture, and new rules. I expected to feel out of place in the beginning. Everyone told me, “The first year is the hardest.”So I waited for that first year to pass. Then the second. Then the third. But no one told me…
Navigating the Challenges of Moving Abroad
When you move across continents, people expect stories about new food. They imagine beautiful views. They think of cultural quirks and a certain glamour. This is a perspective from an African wanting to move to the Western world. Yes, those are all part of it, but starting over mostly happens in the quiet moments. It…
Us Time, Weekend getaway
Simply Beautiful
Life in Salzburg
It has been a few months since I moved to Salzburg from South Africa. To be honest, I had never heard of Salzburg until I met my husband. I knew Mozart of course, but other than that my knowledge of Salzburg was zero and yet here I am today calling this quaint little city my…
Salzburg through my eyes
What do I know and find interesting about this city? So a little about Salzburg itself, The name means Salt Castle. The name Salzburg refers to both the Province and the city. There are nine Provinces in total, I live directly in the city of Salzburg and I have to say it is a beautiful…
Pretoria to Salzburg
Johannesburg International Airport
Fatherless Daughter
I missed him so much as a child, I wished and prayed and hoped for him to come around but he just never did. I don’t mean physically, although he did very little of that, I mean for him to be my father. I waited with bated breath for the day he will see the…
Anxiety and Depression
It’s real and it exists so let’s try to acknowledge it, many have had to face it head on and lost the battle. Today we shine the light on mental wellness. I live in a community where mental wellness is not taken seriously, what comforts me a bit is that the younger generation is aware…
Are you an introvert?
From dreading small talk to needing time to recharge, here is a list of things that make you an introvert, let’s see if you relate to any of these. 1. You enjoy solitude, It makes you happy to be alone and you enjoy it. 2. You prefer to get to know people before you engage…
Life in the LDR
LDR sounds fancy, doesn’t it? Yeah well, it’s not as fancy as it sounds, if anything it can be quite a hard type of relationship to be in. LDR I guess is an abbreviation every newbie in this type of relationship will at some point get to know and if you haven’t figured it by…
Something went wrong. Please refresh the page and/or try again.
Follow My Blog
Get new content delivered directly to your inbox.